“Occupation”

On every custom form they ask for your occupation. I never know what to answer on this because

A) I’ve been freelancing for over 2 years now (read: finding work whenever I need it)
B) listing that is really boring and requires explanation.

I’m also convinced that no one really notices/cares about your occupation unless it was something useful- like doctor or teacher.

So I’ve taken to making up occupations on customs forms. I always tried to pick occupations that justify the lack of money I’m bringing into the country.

To date, I have been the following:

• sound designer
• bassoon player
• barista
• backpacker
• girlfriend
• cat herder
• zoo keeper
• art historian
• ninja
• disaster relief
• Zombie hunter
• pole dancer.

This last one raised some eyebrows at the Zimbabwe boarder this morning. He asked “what is a pole dancer?”

“Surely you have gone to a strip club and seen these girls dancing on poles?” I asked.

“Oh! Yes!” (A second goes by as he processes this….) “dance for me?”

“Nah. Y’all don’t have the pole and I’m dressed for the bush- not for dancing.” (I realize what this may mean in the states- but I had just come from Chobe National Park where we were “bush camping”. Look it up. Think: Lions roaring right outside your tent. Yea. Not what you thought, is it?!?.)

“We’ll arrange it. You’re staying in Vic for 7 days? You come back here. Dress the part- we’ll give you a free visa.”

………. Huh. That may be the most money I would have made pole dancing. (The next amount being a shot of rum to stop because I’m *that* terrible and their insurance didn’t cover clumsiness…)

While this is very tempting and flattering, I have a dormant volcano to climb. Onwards to Zambia!