April Fools!

Back in 2010 I sent my parents (and BCC’d my friends) an email.

Subject: Well….

Body: (picture of a positive pregnancy test).

 

——-

My parents were elated. Even though there was no father in the picture, even though I never want to have children, they were SO DAMNED EXCITED.

It nearly broke my heart when I had to tell them what day it was, and it was all an elaborate April Fool’s day joke.

——

Fast forward to the following year. I was interviewing for a company. These interviews took all day, so I silenced my phone, but would have little breaks where I could check it. At around 11am I had 45 text messages and 4 missed calls from my mom.

Who was in Cancun.

I read one of them:

“Your father had an accident. He’s in the ICU”

Pfft…. Good one, mom!

 

I ignored my phone for the rest of the night. The texts grew to over 189 and 15 missed calls.

That night I went out to dinner with the people I interviewed with. Lots of drinking, lots of “Oh! this one time!” stories…

I told them “Oh yea? A year ago I did this amazing April Fool’s day joke on my mom and now look at what’s going on!”

I tell them the joke that’s being pulled on me and show them my phone as proof….

195 texts.

22 missed calls.

We all laugh and laugh and laugh….

“Man! She has hutzpah! To keep a joke up that long?? With no feedback from you?!”

“I know, right?”

 

I didn’t read any of the messages, but I listened to a voicemail and thought: ‘My mom is such a great actress! Listen to the genuine panic in her voice! I wonder where she’s harnessing that from?’

—————

The next morning I meet a few friends at an Original Pancake House.

My brother calls me before I go in.

“LN! Wtf?! Why haven’t you been answering your phone???”

“Dude. April Fools was yesterday. Don’t tell me the parents got you involved, too!?”

“Uh. LN, it’s not a joke. Pull up facebook.”

 

I put him on speaker and opened facebook. Dead center was a picture of my dad hooked up to tubes, barely smiling, trying to thumbs up… Definitely in a hospital bed. 

 

“what….the…..fu……..”

I was in shock. The realization that my mom was ACTUALLY trying to get ahold of me, because something was ACTUALLY wrong starts to sink in.

I’m the fucking douchebag now. Not only that- but my dad is…………..

“Is dad ok?” I manage to say to my brother. My face starts to get leaky.

“He’s stable. There was a diving accident. They think he had a heart attack under the water. He still has water in his lungs, but he’s doing better.”

“what….when?….how……why?”

“I think you should call mom. She’s worried.”

I call my mom immediately. After screaming at me (for what seemed like eternity) she calmed down and told me the stats….

-Scuba diving accident
-They suspect a heart attack under the water
-Dad is going for a stress test
-They are in Cancun and their machines/tech aren’t that great.
-(Doctors are great, though!)
-They may air-lift him to Ft. Lauderdale for more tests.

 

(They did. Dad complained about the really boring in-flight movie on one of the most expensive flights he’s ever taken……

 

——-/\———-/\———-/\————-

 

Spoiler:

-My parents are fine.
-My dad is fine.
-He didn’t have a heart attack under the water, the tank was mixed wrong (more nitrox than oxygen, or something like that.)
-My parents don’t go scuba diving anymore.
-as a family, we don’t do ANYTHING on April Fools Day- unless it also happens to be passover, then we remember this day by eating a lot of maror.