Ep11. Breaking Down in Australia

I’m seriously excited about this, guys!!!

New podcasts where I interview OTHER PEOPLE! and get their travel stories! (As well as give you a story of my own… I mean, some of my stories are entertaining and stuff).

I was living in Melbourne, Australia during their winter. I thought this was a good idea as I was leaving the hot/sweltering/tropical equator of South America and wanted to wear some jeans for a bit and not sweat when I did strenuous activity… like brush my teeth.

To be fair, Melbourne was beautiful when I first arrived in April, but as soon as I found a job, apartment and friends (which all happened on the same day, weirdly) the weather changed and the thermometer dipped to 5 degrees C (which is 42F). Which would be fine, unless your house and work place has no heat. (“Why do we need heat, mate? It’s only cold this week. It’ll warm up!” They lied.)

Even though my apartment was right on the beach and even though I had heaps of friends and a waitressing job that I semi-enjoyed, my seasonal depression hit me full-force in mid-may. It was actually a lot harder than normal because all my friends (up in the northern hemisphere) were finally seeing summer and couldn’t be bothered to help a S.A.D. person out of the pit of despair.

I would also like to go on a rant about just how cold it was. I consider myself a pretty well acclimatized person. I moved to Edmonton the day it decided to dip below -40 (fun fact: -40 is the same for Fahrenheit and Celsius). I survived living in Houston, Texas in an on again/off again relationship with my shitty aircon. (The day that the mercury hit 106 in the shade and the aircon left me- this is where I left him for the last time.) I played in snow growing up and survived two Boston “nor’easters” without wearing shoes (Don’t ask. I had to play the part of the “poor college kid”). I thought I could handle little-ol Melbourne who’s weather is very similar to Seattle (where I’ve spent several winters).

I was right and wrong. The weather is better than Seattle. It doesn’t rain as much and is sunnier, but I was wrong in thinking that heating/insulation was common practice.


1) Lure a cat into your bed with bacon-wrapped-sleeping pill and cuddle him.
2) Run/exercise
3) take scalding hot showers.
4) Drink tea with brandy. The booze, not the girl. It’ll give you the illusion that you’re warmer and make a normal friend into a sexting friend.
5) Ride the metro. Squish up next to some fat dude.
6) Go into a pizza restaurant and sit as close as you can to the oven. Order water and free smells.

I tried all that I could think of and, after admitting to myself that I was having a full-on-mental breakdown from seasonal depression, I finally 7) booked myself a trip to the north-east coast and visit Cairns. The day arrived and I stepped off the plane and instantly my skin did this weird thing… liquid was oozing out of it. I asked someone behind me what was happening and he said “uh. You’re sweating….”

So! Without further ado: I present:

Tony James Slater (3-time author) who’s book That Bear Ate My Pants inspired me to start traveling! Then(!) Kamikaze Kangaroos!: 20,000 Miles Around Australia. One Van,Two Girls… And An Idiot inspired me to call him up and ask him to be interviewed about the hilarious story of how his Van, Rusty, broke down outside of Hell’s Crack.

(Hint: you actually have to listen to the podcast to hear this.)


VO work was done by Stephen Cox and Matthew Foster. Dexter Britain, Jason Shaw and BenSound helped with music. Cheers guys! Y’all are legends!

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